


Hero Worship

by morganya



Category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-05
Updated: 2004-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganya/pseuds/morganya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Intimacy grows by degrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero Worship

**Author's Note:**

> Jai is much better-looking than Royston Langdon. Hope the Americans out there enjoyed their Fourth of July.

  
Carson bit into an olive and tried to decide if Jai's living room reminded him more of a rainforest with furniture or a day spa waiting room. He raised his hand and brushed at the overhanging fronds of the palm tree, and Jai swatted him and said, "Don't abuse my plants."

Ted was on Carson's left, leaning back in his chair and studying the TV with a professorial air, Kyan was on the far end of the couch, on Jai's right. Kyan was picking little frozen raspberries out of his drink and sucking on them like LifeSavers. Thom was in the other chair, fingers steepled, eyes scanning the room.

"Watching the episodes always weirds me out," Kyan said, as the credits to Blow Out rolled on the TV screen. "You know what the Native Americans used to say? Having your picture taken steals your soul."

"I think it preserves it, more likely," Ted said. "Especially when it goes into reruns. You turn on the TV and oh my, there you are."

"Captured on celluloid," Carson said. He looked at the screen. The logo had already flashed; he could see himself racing towards the car like some sort of superhero.

"I think it's great," Jai said. "It's like, oh, there I am. It's exciting. Even when I'm on there scrubbing a toilet."

"You've never scrubbed a toilet in your life," Thom said. "I think you're all taking it too seriously. It's just advertising. Carson, what in the hell were you thinking with that shirt? Did you mug a circus clown before you came over?"

"Darling, _I'm_ not the one wearing, what were they, blue suede pants? Elvis is dead, Thom. Nothing you can do will bring him back."

"I wasn't -" Thom started, then looked at the screen. "Oh. Yeah. Oh."

"My shirt doesn't look so bad now, does it?"

"Yeah, it does," Thom said.

"Is that how it works? Girls, girls, you're both tragic?" Carson said.

"Pretty much."

Jai turned his head from Carson to Thom and back to Carson again. "Guys, the important thing here is that _I_ look good." He looked directly at Carson. He had to know he was leaving himself wide open.

Carson considered the TV. "You do look cute. In a kind of Ryan Seacrest meets Royston Langdon way."

"Kind of like that. Just, you know, less manly," Thom said. He took a drink and grinned at Jai.

Jai just smiled sweetly. His knee was pressed up against Carson's with a contented kind of heat.

In the kitchen, after the show had ended, Carson watched Jai load the dishwasher, glass clinking softly. Behind him, in the other room, Ted and Thom were arguing the finer points of Howard Hawks with Kyan. Jai looked up and said, "It's cool, Carson, don't offer to help. I've got it."

"I'm just enjoying you being domestic," Carson said. "You know what you need? One of those little aprons with the white trim, you know, very French maid."

"I'd rather not raid your closet just yet, Carson." Jai laughed into the dishwasher and then turned around. "No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry."

Jai never was that good at giving it out. Carson watched him shake soap into the dishwasher; he was putting in too much and stray flakes were drifting over his shoes. "Jai," he said.

"Yeah?"

Jai wasn't like Ted, who brushed off Carson's teasing with a _sotto voce_ wisecrack, and he wasn't like Thom, who was always ready for a game of one-upmanship. He wasn't even like Kyan, who was impossible to tease at all. Jai invited everyone to tease him, as though he fed on it. Carson wondered if Jai's mother had ever told him the difference between positive and negative attention. He wanted to run his hand over Jai's head and say, "Isn't it hard being a buffer?"

"What the hell are you two doing, anyway?" Thom shouted from the living room. "Will you get in here?"

Carson reminded himself that there wasn't much of a difference between 'too young for you,' and 'too good for you.' He said to Jai, "Your shoes look like they have dandruff. You should watch where you shake that thing."

*****

It was Jai who found the makeup, in the top drawer of the bureau in Patrick and Marianne's bedroom. It was an oversized all-in-one case, with blush and eyeshadow and lip gloss side by side. The colors were garish: hot pink, silver, bruised purple.

"Now, is this his or Marianne's?" Jai said. "I mean, I really _hope_ it's Marianne's."

"Unless there's something Patrick's not telling us," Carson said. "Oh, I remember this. It was part of the special lady of the eveningwear collection."

Jai flipped the top of the case open and absently picked up a brush. "Makes me want to run away and join the circus or something." He pressed the brush into a vivid shade of blue and then ran it over his eyelid. He turned around, tilting his head for Carson's approval. He hadn't put enough shadow on the brush; the blue faded into the creases of his eyes. "Hmm?"

"Very Ringling Brothers," Carson said.

Jai laughed. "Here, I think this one'll look good on you."

"I think I'd prefer something that didn't come from the Ninety-nine Cent Store of Beauty, actually -"

"No, come on. It'll be pretty." Jai took Carson's wrist, pulling him into place. Carson shut his eyes.

Jai's hands moved over his face, feather-light, the brush coated in sweetish-smelling dust, moving across, upward and down again in short strokes. Carson focused on keeping his expression masklike.

"Okay," Jai said. "Now, I -"

In the (cheap, tacky) mirror above the bureau, Carson's eyes were emblazoned with silver eyeshadow, creeping over the lids, almost reaching his brows. It looked like war paint; Carson looked at the reflection and could barely see himself for the glittering, aggressive flash.

"I didn't do it very neatly," Jai said. "See, it shouldn't be going onto your temples like that -"

"I love it," Carson said. He lifted his chin and watched his features recede behind the silver even more. "You think I could get a lot of dates like this?"

"I don't think that's a problem for you anyway, Carson," Jai said. He stood looking at his own handiwork, the brush hanging from his fingers. His face was soft and still.

Carson wondered if Jai really did like things that were bad for him.

He put his hand on Jai's shoulder. "Actually, you know what?"

"What?"

Carson plucked the brush from Jai's hands and shook off the excess shadow before reapplying. "You're looking a little unbalanced there, honey." He tilted Jai's chin up, stroking blue across his paper-thin eyelids. He turned away from the mirror, losing sight of his own transfigured face.

*****

Jai's apartment was fairly close to his, so it wasn't hard to drop by when he had a day off and go shopping. Jai was fun to style; he had a good idea of what he wanted without being dogmatic about it. Plus he was young and strong, so he could carry the bags.

In the cab ride back to Jai's apartment, with boxes and bags piled up around their chins, Jai said, "I seriously think I just spent my entire rent check on clothes. You're an enabler, Carson."

"But you'll look gorgeous when the repo men come. Maybe you'll -" He thought about stopping himself, because putting the idea of dating into Jai's head seemed a little risky, but he'd already begun the sentence and what the hell, he might as well finish it. "Maybe you'll meet a hot guy and fall madly in love as he carts away your TV set."

"That's just great," Jai said. "So you're saying that the love of my life is gonna take away my stuff."

"Well, get it where you can," Carson said.

Jai looked at him sideways. "Carson, sometimes I worry about you."

The cab let them out at Jai's apartment. The dogs rushed at them the moment they came in the door, tiny brown dervishes whirling and yapping around their legs.

"This isn't food! This isn't food!" Jai said, holding his bags above his head, somewhat needlessly. "I feed you plenty!"

Carson carefully stepped over one of the dogs and walked into the living room. "Where do you want me to put these, after your pets finish gnawing on you?"

"Bedroom. Dammit, get _off_ -"

Carson walked into the bedroom, studiously avoiding looking at Jai's mice, and emptied the bags on the bed. Somehow it reminded him of Christmas, presents spilling over every surface before being wrapped.

Jai came into the room and shut the door. "I have no idea why they always do that. I feel like I'm, like, this neglectful parent all of a sudden."

"Let me check you for bite marks," Carson said. "You may need a tetanus shot."

"You don't get tetanus from dogs, you get..."

"Whatever." Carson picked up a box. "Open this one first."

"Carson, you already know what we got."

Carson stared at him. "And?"

"Okay, okay." Jai cleared a spot and sat on the bed cross-legged, ripping open boxes and setting the paper aside. "The mice'll like this."

Jai only pretended he didn't enjoy the process of sorting through purchases as much as Carson did. Jai'd been worrying that he came off as too excitable, and that it wasn't good for his image, whatever that was. Carson sprawled across Jai's bed, propping his head up in one hand. He wondered when would be the best moment to tell Jai to stop apologizing for himself.

Jai's bed was draped in sweaters and pants and jackets. Jai surveyed the damage and heaved an enormous sigh. He slumped down, pressing the back of one hand to his forehead. "Oh..."

"I didn't want to tell you this, Jai, but we may have to get Thom in here with a sledgehammer. You need more closet space." Carson began taking up clothes at random and folding them neatly across his chest, then putting them in a neat pile by his side. Jai watched him. Carson picked up a dark, sheer shirt and dropped it over Jai's face, watching it flutter down. Jai laughed, the shirt sticking to the contours of his face, and blew it up in the air, the material forming a parachute around his breath.

"You're going to get slobber on the couture," Carson said. "I maybe shouldn't have encouraged you."

Jai pushed the shirt to the side. He looked up at Carson, head tilted back, almost smiling. "Hey, watch this."

"What?"

"Watch me look sad," Jai said. He pushed himself up on one elbow and turned his head. He swallowed, once, twice. His mouth turned down, his chin quivered, his shoulders knotted together. His eyes grew glassy, with an unsteady gaze. Half-covering his face with his free hand, he seemed like a photograph of grief, utterly lost.

Then he looked up, grinning, and the image evaporated. He looked down at Carson. "Was that good? Did it work?"

Carson smiled back. "I think so. I know I felt the same way when they canceled _My So-Called Life_. Wobbly for a week."

Jai laughed and ruffled Carson's hair. "I can always count on you to -"

"Careful, I just had this done."

"Did you?" Jai said, not moving.

"Well." Carson patted Jai's leg. The heel of his hand pressed against Jai's hip.

"You're such a liar," Jai said, before he took hold of Carson's wrist and raised it above his head, the back of Carson's hand pressed into the pillow.

"I've got a feeling," Carson said, "that this could go either way."

Jai loosened his grip slightly. "So, is that, like, a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Well, you tell me, sweetness."

"I'm going to say good," Jai said. "Right. I'm going with good."

"Okay," Carson said. "So, I'd like you to maybe explain to me -"

"Carson -"

"I'm just -"

Jai kissed him, hard, and the last thing Carson wanted was for him to pull away and look at Carson like he was waiting for permission to continue, but thank God, Jai just threw his leg over Carson's ankle and shifted his weight until he was almost straddling Carson's hips, spreading his arms and legs like he was making a snow angel. Carson's knuckles brushed against the cotton shirts still draped over Jai's narrow bed.

Oh God, the clothes.

"Your drycleaner will have some sort of aneurysm," Carson mumbled around Jai's mouth. "Unless things have changed, come stains aren't much of a fashion statement."

"Mmmph," Jai said. "Oh. Ew. What should -" He jumped off the bed, grabbing Carson's hands and pulling almost too hard, so that Carson rose up and half-staggered into his arms.

He had to fatten Jai up, Carson thought; beneath his clothes Jai was all bird bones and nerve. Carson said, "You know, I -"

Jai shook his head. He interlaced his fingers behind Carson's neck. "Carson, jeez. You talk too much." He leaned up to kiss Carson again, his mouth closing gently around Carson's lower lip, then the upper lip, sucking until the skin swelled with blood.

"No one's made that move on me since - where did you learn to do that?" Carson managed to demand.

Jai grinned. "Ain't tellin'."

"I think I'm too young for you," Carson said, just before he snaked his hand under Jai's shirt. It wasn't what he wanted to say at all, but it would have to do.

When Carson flicked his tongue over the flat golden skin of Jai's belly, he realized he'd given up the last of his common sense along with his clothing, which lay in discreet puddles on Jai's hopefully clean floor. His mother would kill him if she knew he was doing this.

Jai stood over him, one arm draped around his neck, the other hand softly stroking Carson's hair. He murmured, low and lulling, "Yeah, come on, come on, honey," and the temptation to blow a raspberry on his stomach was too great for Carson to withstand; Jai's shriek of laughter almost drowned out the sound.

"That's not fair!" Jai said, still laughing; Carson tugged him down to the floor and said, "But you should know by now that I play dirty."

It was amazing how Jai's skin shone, like a lantern, like a beacon. Carson circled his nipple with the pad of his thumb and watched Jai suck in his lower lip, teeth worrying the skin. Carson smiled. The floor was hard and unforgiving against his skin.

"This is going to do a number on my back," Carson said. "You want to come with me to my next chiropractic session?"

"You know, Carson, I'd go just about anywhere with you."

For once, Carson found himself not knowing what to say.

When Jai came, it was with his spine pressing into Carson's stomach, his leg drawn up and bent, shuddering against Carson's body, reaching back and holding onto Carson's thigh for dear life.

When Carson came, it was with Jai curled against him like a cat, the back of Jai's neck caught in his mouth, the taste of sweat on his tongue. Jai made a soft, soothing sound, and Carson felt every muscle in his body go rigid and then coast to a release, and he couldn't stop himself from groaning rather undignifiedly, and he could feel Jai's skin drinking up the sound as if it were water.

Carson let go of Jai and shivered suddenly against the floor, which felt harder than ever. "Oh. Oh, wow."

Jai said something as he was getting up, but Carson was already deep in post-coital fog and couldn't hear a thing. Jai went to pee; Carson gathered up his clothes and went to sit on the bed, meaning fully to get dressed, but he fell asleep instead, embarrassingly, his shirt still clutched in one hand.

When he woke up his back was yodeling in pain, and he had an awful feeling he'd slept on his hair wrong and it had turned into frizzy cowlicks. The clothes had been put away. Someone had tucked him in. Jai was sitting beside him, eating a bowl of dry cereal with his fingers, absently looking at a magazine that rested on his knee. The dogs were gathered around the bed, probably hoping that he'd drop something edible.

"G'morning," Carson mumbled, rubbing his right eye.

Jai looked at him and smiled. "Hey, Carson, anyone ever tell you that you look younger when you sleep?"


End file.
